I read a story once about a guy who went off into the woods to live in isolation. He had no human contact for decades except for a brief run-in with a hunter. He existed and lived absolutely alone for the rest of his life.
It scared me when I read it. Mostly because I could see myself doing that. It's no big revelation to me, and probably to most of the people that know me, that I'm an introvert. I need a hefty serving of alone time to function and show up in the world. When I'm in an emotionally unhealthy place, I can go days without much human interaction and barely even notice.
So when I read that story and thought about living in the woods by myself, the unhealthy introvert in me pictured an ideal life free from draining social interaction. I hate that. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert. There is, however, something wrong with being an unhealthy person. An unhealthy introvert and an unhealthy extrovert can do the same amount of damage. It's not a matter of how we're wired, it's a matter of how we choose to respond in the world.
I've been reading through 1 Corinthians recently and today I got to chapter 12. In verses 12-29, Paul writes about how believers in Christ are all a part of the body -- how each member has a specific purpose and the body can't function properly as a whole without every single part. Verse 18 says: "but God has carefully designed each member and placed it in the body to function as he desires."
There is a corporate aspect to our faith. If you've ever been in a tight-knit community of believers, then you already know this. Of course our faith is primarily a vertical relationship: our personal relationship with God. But it is undeniable that there is a horizontal factor: our relationships with the people around us. Flip through pretty much any of the Epistles and you'll find directions on how to live in community with one another.
Self-sufficiency can be a dangerous mindset. If I'm being honest, for many years I had a prideful self-sufficient mindset. I was the source of all things in my life. My ideas were the only ideas I needed. My resources were the only resources I needed. I was pretty much the god of my life, and it created in me a hard heart with the underlying outlook that I was superior to everyone else because I didn't need help. How foolish.
After a hard reality check with God and opening myself up to living in a healthy community of like-minded people, I quickly came to the realization that I am most definitely NOT the source of all things. Actually, I'm pretty much the source of nothing on my own. It's by God's grace that I am a valuable part of the body. And even without the body, I don't bring much to the table.
There are a couple of factors I've observed in my experience that are necessary in a community for it to be fertile ground for its members to grow and relate to each other. I've noticed that the most fulfilling experiences I've had in community settings have all had these four things in common: encouragement towards vulnerability, abundance of grace toward each other's shortcomings, prioritization of truth, and a heart of service toward one another. There are also at least two factors I've discerned that are toxic to healthy communities and spread disunity like a disease: manipulation and the desire to impress other people.
I think we're much more influenced by other people than we would like to think. As autonomous as we lead ourselves to believe we are, peer pressure doesn't just go away after the D.A.R.E officer gave his spiel in our 5th grade classroom. We are products of our environments.
We all know the saying: "show me your friends and I'll show you your future." Proverbs 13:20 advises us that "If you want to grow in wisdom, spend time with the wise. Walk with the wicked and you'll eventually become just like them." The character of the people we surround ourselves with is a huge indication of the character we will begin to display in our own lives.
I know some pretty great people. I was blessed enough to grow up in a stable, God-honoring family. My parents seek and speak truth more fervently than I've ever seen in anyone else. My siblings honor God with their hard work and dedication to their craft. My whole extended family has been an incredible example of the church as it should be.
I can explicitly tell you why each of my close friends makes me a better person. As I've opened my heart for God to transform it, I have seen the honorable qualities my community displays replace the prideful, self-seeking qualities isolation cultivated in my heart. Anybody can become great if they are challenged within the context of a community.
I wonder if I'll ever get good at wrapping up these things. That's pretty much all I have. If you want my advice, then find people you admire who reflect the heart of God and spend as much time with them as you can. Find a community where you can be vulnerable, where grace outweighs guilt, where truth abounds, and where you can serve.
Thanks for being part of my community. I am humbled that you're letting me be a part of yours.
-Annie